At Therapy Ties, we often say that the longest and most influential relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Long before romantic partners enter the picture, a self-relationship is already forming, shaping how you speak to yourself, how you treat your needs, and what you believe you deserve. This relationship quietly influences every other connection in your life.
Many people seek relationship therapy because of recurring relationship problems, communication breakdowns, or painful patterns with partners. What we often discover together is that beneath these struggles is not a failure to love others but a fractured relationship with the self. Learning to relate to yourself with compassion, trust, and respect is not separate from relational healing; it is foundational to it.
Understanding the Self-Relationship
Your self-relationship is the way you internally relate to your thoughts, emotions, needs, and boundaries. It includes your inner dialogue, your capacity for self-compassion, and your ability to stay emotionally present with yourself during discomfort.
A healthy self-relationship is not about constant positivity or confidence. It is about self-attunement, the ability to notice what you feel, validate it, and respond with care rather than criticism. When this relationship is strong, you don’t abandon yourself under stress or outsource your worth to others.
In relationship therapy, we often help clients shift from asking, “How do I make this relationship work?” to “How do I stay connected to myself within this relationship?” That shift changes everything.
How Childhood Experiences Shape Self-Perception
Our self-relationship is deeply shaped by early experiences. Through attachment and early caregiving, we learn whether our emotions are welcomed, ignored, criticized, or soothed. This becomes internalized as our inner voice.
If love or attention were conditional, many people develop an inner critic that monitors behavior in hopes of staying safe or accepted. This voice may sound harsh, demanding, or shaming. Others learn to minimize their needs altogether, believing that wanting too much leads to rejection.
This is where inner child work becomes essential. In relationship therapy, we help clients recognize that many self-critical patterns are learned adaptations, not character flaws. Through reparenting, individuals begin to offer themselves the validation, safety, and care they did not consistently receive.
Healing the self-relationship often means gently updating old emotional rules that no longer serve adult life.
The Connection Between Self-Relationship and External Relationships
The way you treat yourself sets the blueprint for how others treat you and what you tolerate. When self-worth is low, people often choose partners who reinforce familiar emotional dynamics, even if they are painful. Low self-worth can lead to staying too long, accepting inconsistency, or confusing intensity with intimacy.
In relationship therapy and couples counseling, we frequently explore how self-abandonment shows up in partnership. Self-abandonment might look like:
- Silencing your needs to avoid conflict
- Over-functioning to earn love
- Ignoring red flags to preserve connection
- Staying in relationships that require you to shrink
When your self-relationship is rooted in self-compassion and trust, partner choice changes. Boundaries become clearer. You no longer need someone else to prove your worth because you are anchored in it.
Recognizing Patterns of Self-Abandonment
Self-abandonment happens when you disconnect from your truth to maintain external harmony. Many people don’t realize they are doing this. It feels normal, responsible, or loving. But over time, self-abandonment leads to resentment, anxiety, and emotional exhaustion.
In relationship therapy, we help clients notice moments where they override their intuition, dismiss their feelings, or betray their needs. Awareness is the first step toward change. Rebuilding the self-relationship means learning to stay emotionally present with yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Internal Dialogue and Self-Talk
One of the most powerful indicators of your self-relationship is your internal dialogue. How do you speak to yourself when you make a mistake? When do you feel rejected? When you are unsure?
A harsh inner voice often believes it is being motivating or protective. In reality, it erodes self-love and blocks personal growth. Through therapy, we help clients soften this voice, not by silencing it but by understanding its origin and offering an alternative grounded in self-compassion.
Changing self-talk is not about positive affirmations. It is about emotional honesty paired with kindness.
Self-Validation vs. External Validation
Many relationship struggles stem from relying on others to validate feelings, choices, or worth. External validation can feel reassuring, but it is unstable. When validation disappears, anxiety rises.
A strong self-relationship includes self-validation, the ability to acknowledge your emotions and experiences as real and meaningful without needing immediate agreement from others. In relationship therapy, we support clients in building this internal stability so relationships become places of connection, not survival.
Setting Boundaries With Yourself
Boundaries are not only interpersonal; they are intrapersonal. Setting boundaries with yourself means honoring your limits, listening to your body, and not pushing past emotional exhaustion to meet expectations that come at the cost of your well-being.
Self-boundaries are a form of self-respect. They communicate internally, “I matter.” When you are aligned with yourself, it becomes easier to set healthy boundaries with others without guilt, defensiveness, or the need to over-explain.
A strong, healthy relationship with yourself allows you to advocate for what is truly right for you, rather than making choices simply to avoid discomfort, conflict, or avoid disapproval in relationships that no longer serve you. From this place, boundaries are not set out of ego, anger, or withdrawal but from self-love and self-trust.
Knowing who you are and, just as importantly, who you are not, is crucial in relationships. When your sense of self is clear, boundaries become less about protecting yourself from others and more about honoring yourself within connection.
Therapeutic Techniques for Improving the Self-Relationship
As relationship therapists, we use a range of approaches to support self-relationship healing, including:
- Inner child work and reparenting
- Attachment-based exploration of emotional patterns
- Developing self-attunement and emotional regulation
- Challenging the inner critic with compassion
- Practicing authenticity instead of performance
This work is not about fixing something broken; it is about restoring connection.
Myths About Self-Love
“Self-love is selfish.”
Self-love is not self-centered; it is self-responsible. When you care for yourself, you show up more fully and honestly in relationships.
“You can’t change your relationship with yourself.”
The self-relationship is learned, and anything learned can be relearned. With awareness and support, it can transform.
“Working on yourself means you’re broken.”
Working on yourself means you are conscious. Growth is not a response to failure; it is a response to awareness.
Final Thoughts
At Therapy Ties, we believe that the deepest form of self-love is staying connected to yourself through all of life’s seasons. Relationship therapy is not only about improving how you relate to others, but it is also about strengthening your attachment to yourself.
When your self-relationship is rooted in self-compassion, authenticity, and trust, external relationships become more honest and fulfilling. You no longer lose yourself to be loved. You bring yourself fully into connection.
Your relationship with yourself matters most not because it replaces other relationships but because it shapes every one of them. And that relationship, with care and intention, can always grow.
Transform How You Love Yourself and Others Through Relationship Therapy in Los Angeles, CA
If you find yourself losing connection with who you are in relationships, struggling with self-abandonment, or repeating painful patterns with partners, you don’t have to navigate this alone. Relationship therapy in Los Angeles, CA can help you rebuild the most important relationship you’ll ever have—the one with yourself—so that all your connections can become more authentic, fulfilling, and grounded in self-trust.
At Therapy Ties, we support individuals and couples in healing their self-relationship through compassionate, attachment-based therapy that honors your story and helps you stay connected to yourself while building deeper love with others. Follow these three simple steps to get started:
- Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to explore whether relationship therapy feels like the right next step for healing your self-relationship.
- Meet with relationship therapist Liron to better understand your inner dialogue, self-abandonment patterns, and how early attachment shaped your self-worth.
- Begin rebuilding self-compassion, boundaries, and emotional presence with yourself through deeper awareness and intentional inner healing.
Additional Services Offered at Therapy Ties in Los Angeles, CA
At Therapy Ties, I help individuals and couples understand how their self-relationship influences every connection in their lives—from inner dialogue and self-abandonment to the patterns they repeat with partners. By building self-attunement, compassion, and emotional presence with yourself, clients begin to set healthier boundaries, stay anchored in their worth, and show up more authentically in all relationships. Alongside relationship therapy in Los Angeles, CA, I offer individual therapy, couples therapy, and anger management for clients in Woodland Hills, West Hills, Agoura Hills, Encino, Tarzana, Sherman Oaks, North Hollywood, and throughout the greater Valley—providing a supportive space to heal the relationship with yourself and transform how you love and connect with others.
About The Author
Hi, I’m Liron, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of Therapy Ties in Woodland Hills. I work with individuals and couples to understand how self-relationship shapes every connection—exploring inner dialogue, attachment patterns, and the ways we lose or find ourselves in relationships. My approach integrates Humanistic therapy, Emotion-Focused Therapy, Gestalt, and Family Systems to support self-compassion, emotional presence, and authentic change.
I earned my Master’s in Marriage and Family Therapy from Phillips Graduate Institute and hold a BA in Psychology from UCLA. I am fluent in Hebrew and English and am a CAMS III–certified anger management specialist.If you’re ready to rebuild your relationship with yourself and transform how you connect with others, I invite you to reach out.
